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This illustrative example of a case study is based on our experience of over 25 years of working with clients.

The Parsons were seemingly the ideal couple, both had been successful in their job roles, and knew how to be confident and self-assured when around others socially.  But when they came for an assessment for therapy, their body language and sense of hesitation gave glimpses of underlying tensions and anxiety. Their initial background assessment provided the therapist with some detail and further questions gave the following information:

Tony and Sally had been married for 4 years. For Sally it was her second marriage. She had married her first partner at 26 years of age, had a child 18 months later but sadly had lost her husband to illness 4 years afterwards. Sally remained on her own for 3 years, met Tony and consequently married 2 years later.  Tony, somewhat older than Sally, had been married previously and had one married son in his 20's. His first wife had died in a road traffic accident and it was several years before Tony could contemplate marriage again.  He acknowledged his deep admiration for Sally, since they had first known each other. Further background assessment ellicited the structure of their families of origin. 

Very briefly, it had been Sally's idea to seek therapy as both had tried to 'sort things out for themselves but were struggling'. Tony reported that he needed to have somebody that relied and depended on him as a husband. He had taken early retirement from his intensely busy job role and wanted a slower pace of life now. He had an unspoken agreement in the relationship whereby if he could care for a needy partner then he would have absolute loyalty and affection from his wife who would always be there for him. Sally described herself as somebody who wanted to be busy, rising early, working hard, actively socialising with close friends but also wanting to be with Tony at the end of the day. Sally stated that she was very used to looking after herself and her son in the earlier years which taught her to be strong and resilient in difficult times. Their differences in how the relationship should work was causing disagreement and disharmony. Both partners wanted to resolve their problems and have some level of contentment and happiness in the home.

As far as relationship issues go, the presentation of Tony and Sally's problems was fairly straightforward to understand. The therapist began to formulate some hypotheses early on in therapy and at the end of each session was able to summarise and feedback some of her impressions to the couple. Marriage, or a long term commitment, is a subsystem of family and a system in its own right as what affects one partner, affects the other. Relational work can affect each partner by working with the system but it can also affect change when working with just one partner.

Relational therapy was able to help Tony and Sally by addressing 'the unspoken' in their relationship and to review their own family backgrounds to see how this may be replaying in the here and now. Positions in family of origin, re-marriage issues, loss and grief, how their needs are met in the relationship, communication styles, conflict and compromise and dealing with time, were the main areas for therapeutic discussion. An integrative approach with this couple's problems, with some cognitive-behavioural strategies, over a period of 8 months, helped improve not only their marital relationship but Tony and Sally also gained an increased awareness of themselves.